Friday, June 17, 2005

Red, One-Eyed, and Blue

A certain emptiness is bound to pervade the upcoming Fourth of July holiday as a local tradition has apparently and unfortunately come to an end. It may have even ended last year, my misty sentimentality numbing the pangs of reality. But it became all too clear to me today that former talk radio firebrand One-Eyed Jack won’t be carrying on his patriotic duty of sticking it to the man by selling fireworks to all Americans, regardless of race, creed, sex, or proper documentation (Permits? We don’t need no stinkin’ permits!) The SJ-R published an article today naming those who are licensed by the county to sell fireworks this year and Donald Jackson’s name was sadly absent. His annual arrest, or that of one of his freedom fighting underlings, was every bit as defining a symbol of our culture as baseball, apple pie, or that guy who’s friends with that redneck guy and tells jokes about being drunk.

We can only hope, we who bleed for the traditions that make this country great, that Jack is continuing to defy the so-called authorities by carrying out his calling underground and dealing in the black market. For who is Joe Aiello that he can decide who can or can not profit by the selling of incendiary devices to people who may or may not have the mental capacity to detonate them in a responsible manner? And who gets to decide what is or isn’t responsible? Wouldn’t that be dependent on an individual’s own interpretation of the prevailing conditions at the moment of ignition factored by the number of MGD’s they’ve thrown back during the preceding 12 hours?

So hail to thee, you of but a single orb but boundless vision, for flying in the face of a society ruled by the bloodshot.


CaptainPlaceholder said...

A+ for Sarcasm and Wit.

Springfield needs another Psuedo-Villian to step up and take the place of OEJ...

I'm sure all the 3am barking dogs will miss the unlicensed boom of Class B fireworks.

Mad Conservative Crimefighter said...

Who says he won't set up shop in a neighboring county?