Profiles in Stupidity

Like Dave at the Eleventh Hour, I had planned to sit out this latest round of the smoking battle, except to decry the use of micturative (thanks Jeff) analogies that only serve to sully the debate. But like Dave, I was sucked back into the fray because of the utter stupidity being exhibited. In my case, it isn't the result of disingenuous reasoning on the part of the anti-smoking-ban contingent, but the behavior of those who would walk a mile for a Camel but can't walk two feet without a smoke.

I'm not such an anti-smoking zealot that I would propose banning outdoor smoking. But I will say that anyone who lights-up anywhere where there are a preponderance of children - be it at a park playground, a youth soccer game, or, say, the State Fair parade - needs to lock themselves away in the double-wide with their beloved cigarettes lest they inadvertently catch a breath of fresh air.

If you haven't guessed by now, we took the kids to the parade this evening. For whatever reason, it always seems to be a big draw with the nicotine addicted set. I've come to expect this and can generally avoid their smog. Tonight, however, I was witness to two occassions of extreme smoking idiocy.

Shortly upon arriving at the usual spot where our extended family gathers, I noticed a gentleman attached to a bottle of oxygen just as he was about to light a cigarette. Now* understand I harbored no concern for his failing health since he obviously had none, but I did wonder about all of those warning signs I had seen in hospitals that seemed to indicate there might be some risk of combustion should said oxygen be introduced to an open flame.

Here today, just as we were reminded of how desperately foreign terrorists wish to blow us to pieces, we had a corn-fed national willing to do the job for them.

Later, I overheard a woman asking a state trooper for assistance in clearing the way for her car to leave the yard where she was parked. It seemed a member of her party had gone into labor. A buzz went through the crowd upon hearing of the impending blessed event. Until we caught a glimpse of the mother-to-be.

While the trooper stood prepared to hold up the parade so the car could pass through to the adjoining alley, the glowing mother stood outside of her transport, determined to suck out every last carcinogen from her butt before tending to the task of delivering her child. And who could blame her. By the time she pushes the little brat out and tends to all of the postpartum rigmarole, it might be two or three hours before she gets to have another one.

So there you have it. Two case studies on why we shouldn't worry about infringing on smokers' rights. Because they obviously aren't concerned with anyone elses.


*Sorry for the superfluous "now". I saw Jerry Lambert marching in the parade tonight and just couldn't help myself.