Sunday, August 20, 2006

Red Hats at Sunrise

When Dave Bakke asked local bloggers how long it would be before a blogger broke a legitimate news story, most of us answered that it wasn't our calling to report breaking news. I sold myself short. Long time readers of BFS will recall that it was I who exposed the seamy underbelly of the Red Hat Society. I recalled this fact when I recently had a near run-in with this demented band of cutthroats.

Last week, I had occasion to breakfast at the Cracker Barrel. After enjoying my meal of pancakes and eggs over easy, my world was sent on edge when I found myself in line to pay behind two made-members of La Rosa Nostra.

I was careful not to make eye contact, knowing that they are always looking for a beef. Keeping my eyes focused on the display of Moon Pies behind the counter, I measured my breaths carefully, not wanting to draw attention to myself by inhaling too nervously. They are easily provoked, these fun-loving seniors, as any war protester will tell you. Fortunately, their meal was to their liking and they paid their bill without incident.

I was quite surprised when they then exited the restaurant without senselessly upending the rack of audio books or pilfering some scented candles. But that's the thing about the Red Hatters, most of the time they act like fine, upstanding citizens. That's what makes the drama so intense when they do throw down and open up the whop-ass on some unassuming bystander.

Although the Cracker Barrel serves the best flapjacks in town, I'll have to think twice about visiting again, knowing as I do now that it is frequented by such nefarious characters. Until the mayor appoints a task force charged with ridding the city of the Red Hat Society's terrifying presence, all of our breakfast options will be severely limited.

4 comments:

nancy said...

Hey, check out today's (Tues) letters to the editor in which the Red Hats claim to have been dissed (or at least not greeted in the matter to which they are accustomed)at the State Fair.

Laura said...

Here is my only experience with these would-be mobsters. I was having lunch at a local restaraunt recently, and the only other occupied table besides mine was a very large group of the red hat ladies (Dan probably would have wet his pants).

Keep in mind that although the hat must be red, there are apparently no other standards, rules, or regulations to follow regarding hat size, form, or style. So, if I were rude or stuck-up, I might have stared, laughed and pointed at how stupid they looked. But I didn't. However, they did not extend the same courtesy when a young lady with punk rock roots (figuratively) and hot pink roots (literally, as in hair roots) walked by the big picture window in the dining room. Upon seeing her, the table let out a collective gasp so loud I thought someone was having a heart attack or something. They all turned, looked out the window, pointed at her and be-moaned the general state of today's youth. She might as well have had two heads judging by their reaction.

Good thing this punk rock chic is apparently a BFS regular and therefore she knew about the danger she faced if she crossed them. She did the prudent thing and walked away.

Anonymous said...

He was right to point out DownLeft, who had seperate posts that lead to articles by Rich Miller and Bernie Schoenburg.

Anonymous said...

I was afraid (based upon your title) that the Sunrise Cafe' had been infiltrated by the mad hatters... thank God there's still a refuge!