Monday, November 21, 2005

Urgent Reply Requested

If there is a more giving and trusting people gracing this Earth than the Nigerians, I’ve yet to come across them. For the past couple of years, nary a week has passed without one of these fine souls offering to share with me great amounts of wealth if only I will return but a fraction of their good will. It is with great shame that I must admit that I have yet to respond in kind to their good turns.

Based on the large number of solicitations I receive, they must be having a difficult time finding confederates who are as given to anonymous acts of reciprocity. This speaks volumes to the decline of Western culture. Have our lives become so insular that even the promise of millions of dollars isn’t enough to compel us to lend our fellow man a hand? Are we so attached to our personal cell phones that we are cut off from our own humanity and do not hear the calls of those who wish us only prosperity?

I’ve been as guilty of this as anyone, but no more. So it is to you, Barrister Joseph Onudu, that I say “Yes! I will heed your call to help. I will share in your vast fortune, not out of desire for earthly possessions, but to respond to a higher calling as a member of the human race.”

For those of you not familiar with the good barrister’s plight, apparently his father, Ekwu Onudu, was tragically poisoned by adversaries posing as well-meaning business associates. Onudu the elder was a wealthy gold merchant who, judging by Joseph’s glowing comments, had a 24-karat heart. The two shared a special bond after the death of Mrs. Onudu years earlier. And now that bond has been severed by evil doers driven by greed and impervious to love. It's all in the email he sent me.

Ekwu’s dying words to his beloved son revealed the location of a hidden bank account containing $30 million of legitimately earned savings. Knowing that his father’s killers would be stalking his every move in an attempt to poach the proceeds, Joseph wisely surmised that he must spirit the cash out of the country into the bank account of a trusted American.

Here’s where I come in. Joseph found my name in the “country directory.” I wasn’t even aware that there was such a document. At the risk of sounding immodest, I must say that my listing must be particularly impressive to have been selected out of the millions of entries. I'm guessing that there is probably a mention in there of the time when a friend and I found a wallet ditched along the road and we made the necessary contacts to return it to its owner. And now that good deed is about to pay off to the tune of $15 million American, minus an initial contribution of good faith to assure Joseph that I can be trusted.

Joseph’s plan is so simple and legal that it is virtually risk-free. He assured me so. And besides, he is a barrister and thus, bound by honesty. I don’t have the details of the plan yet, we’re still in a “feeling-out” stage, but so far everything seems to be strictly on the up-and-up.

This being the season of giving, I’ve decided that I will follow Joseph’s lead and allow the faithful readers of BlogFreeSpringfield to share in my good fortune. Anyone who would like a cut of my take should go to the comments section and post your name along with your bank account and routing numbers.*** You might also want to include your home address and a quick rundown of your holiday travel plans. Thanks to the wonder of the World Wide Web and its magical ability to connect altruistic Nigerians to good-hearted Americans, we'll soon all be rich beyond our wildest dreams.

***Disclaimer. Please don't post your financial information on this blog. The preceeding dramatization is a public service announcement intended to increase awareness of common Internet scams. Joseph Onudu is a fictional character created by the author. Any resemblance to an actual Nigerian scammer, living or deceased, is accidental.


Anonymous said...

So... you're saying those emails aren't real?? Omigosh!

Anonymous said...

There are a few websites which are adherents of baiting the scammers. Many will ask for small amounts of money which is required for them to send the scammers anything. Better though are the posts requiring photos of various natures. Look them up if you can.